Bulletin

What Would You Have Done?
Bob Bauer

What would you have done? June Sims was married to her husband Lamar for thirty-four years when he told her that he no longer loved her and wanted a divorce. To have your spouse say that they no longer love you has to be one of the most devastating things a person might hear. When she refused, he didn't speak to her for three years. Mary May Larmoyeux, in an article written for The Family Room Ezine, tells about her life during that period. She writes, "During these years of silence, Lamar and June communicated by writing notes to one another and leaving them on the refrigerator door. Even though Lamar did not want a relationship with his wife, he asked her to continue cooking for him. So, after coming home from work, June prepared dinner for him and then ate her meal in her bedroom. This arrangement went on for about two years when Lamar said that he didn't want June cooking for him anymore."

Most of us have had periods in our marriage when our relationship with our spouse has been less than perfect. Maybe even some of us have had periods when there is no communication whatsoever with our spouse. Even so, these periods are usually relatively short in duration. But three years without any words, hugs, or acknowledgment had to be a heavy burden to carry, but yet, Mrs. Sims bore that burden when others who were close to her begged her to leave Lamar. Mrs. Sims said that she knew she had to please God and believed He wanted her to remain in the marriage. In her journal she wrote, "I'm not going to ask You to shorten the days of my adversity if these days mean knowing You better. If these days mean You're changing me, keep me in the fire until Your work in me is complete … Just give me the grace and the strength to remain faithful and true in You to glorify You. I want to learn all You want me to learn. I don't want this to be wasted time. . . . Lord, I cannot change this man but You can change me."

God is definite about marriage. It is to be for life. Jesus said, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Mt.19:4-6 NKJV). In fact, God only allows two reasons for the marriage covenant to be broken – the death of one of the spouses (Rm.7:1-3) or one of the spouses commits adultery (Mt.19:9). Mrs. Sims seemed to understand what her responsibility was to God concerning her marriage.

How did all this work out for the Sims? One day Mrs. Sims asked Lamar about something they needed for the house and for the first time in three years he responded, "No." She took that moment to apologize for the hurtful things she had said in anger. About six weeks, later Lamar acknowledged that he had also said things he shouldn't have and added, ". . . if you want to we'll try to make a go of it." Mrs. Sims said of what developed afterward, "‘It was almost like we were in a contest to see who was going to outdo the other.' The more she showed respect to Lamar, the more he wanted to show his love to her. She also made sure Lamar knew how much she appreciated him." During their remaining years, Lamar became more patient, more understanding, and more affectionate. The relationship had improved so much that at one point Lamar said, "I can't believe we're having so much fun in our 60s."

God will allow us to be tested in this life (Jms. 1:2-4). It might be the test of illness, of financial difficulties, of parenting, or even, such in the Sims case, a test of our faithfulness to our commitments. I am reminded of the words of Peter, "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear" (1Pe.3:1-2). Mrs. Sims was astute enough to realize that she had no control over her husband's behavior and attitude, but she did over hers. She sought out God's guidance for direction in her life – to be the wife He wanted her to be.

What would you have done in the same situation? Would you have put the time, tears, and effort into saving your marriage if you were in her place? If your marriage is being tested at this moment, will you be the wife or husband God wants you to be? Will you let your light shine during this time of trial? What will you do?